I Would Rather Have Root Canal Once a Week for the Rest of My Life Than Ever Buy a House Again.
   Chapter List
     Sorry: you'll have to buy the book to see
 why these chapters have the names they do!
Introduction: You’re an Idiot if You 
    Don't Write a Book About This
Chapter 1: Doo Diligence
Chapter 2: The State with Two Backs
Chapter 3: Klingons in the Garage
Chapter 4: Hoover, Oreck & Goldberg
Chapter 5: A Spoonful of Bullshit
Chapter 6: My Heart Will Go On.
Chapter 7: Mumbo Jumbo from Dumbo
Chapter 8: Tall Blind People Are Not Idiots. Idiots Are.
Chapter 9: One Bad-Ass Apple
Chapter 10: This Chapter is Brought to
     You By the Letter F
Chapter 11: Peeing for Dollars
Chapter 12: No Cellars for Old Men

Chapter 13: Bartrooms and Warpaths
Chapter 14: Gravestones Don’t Lie
Chapter 15: Knight Terrors
Chapter 16: My, What a Lovely
Chapter 17: A Company With No
       Important People
Chapter 18: Hugs, Curses, and
       Prosecutable Asses
Chapter 19: Mr. & Mrs. Bunker
Chapter 20: Who Let the Dogs Out?
Chapter 21: How Deep is My Valley?
Chapter 22: Plumber Without a Crack
Chapter 23: A Clear and Minor Present
Epilogue: To Love a Hummingbird
Appendix: An Uncensored Glossary